Rejection with a side of regret

NO. Such a minuscule word, such rigorous emotion.
Most of us fear it; rejection;
Will I get the job?
Will he call?
Will he stay?
Simply: Do I get what I want?

Rejection very seldom comes alone. It seems to always be accompanied by a side dish or a sugary coating, all to make it easier for us to swallow and digest this hard lump of a word.

Sometimes rejection comes with regret. ‘You seem very competent, but other people are more qualified, you lack certain experience. I am sorry, You don’t get the job’. Fair enough. I can take that, it’s a valid comment, and actually it does not reject me as a person but rather points to the holes in my professional agenda. I am aware. I can accept. Swallow and digest.

At other times regret comes with obligation. ‘I can’t come tonight I promised my mother I would eat with her this evening’ or ‘I promised my boss I would stay until six today so I can’t make it to yoga-class’. Ok, obligations, they make it all a bit rougher to take in. After all, what about your obligation to me? Why am I not being prioritized? Do I not mean as much? They take just a bit longer. But we can manage, when we manage to understand the nature of this urgent obligation. Afer all...it happens to most of us.

This is when sugar coating, a rejection with icing, is imperative. Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down! And so it goes; with ‘I’m sorry’, ‘I’ll make it up to you’, ‘I know we decided…please don’t be sad’. Even the ‘It was a pleasure to meet you’, ‘we were very impressed’ or ‘we will keep your CV on for the future’, helps, irrespective of whether it is true or not.

Rejection with icing is, in the end, not only a way for the person rejecting to soften the fact that they are saying no, but also a way to show that you have taken into consideration the feelings of their fellow person ad show some measure of Regret. Perceived consideration can work miracles (genuine consideration works even better), really! And regret will probably work even better!

But what about when there is no plea or reference to your emotion? What about when there is no logic, regret or obligation? When there is no remorse or empathy? What do you do then? How do you defend yourself against it?

Raw rejection, a NO with no coatings or sides, gives you nothing to hold on to make you feel better, nothing to help you digest and move on. When you see neither remorse nor consideration can you forgive? Can you actually accept rejection without regret?

I know I can’t. I take my rejection with a side of regret.