"Daddy, I want another pony"

Looking around it seems that people are never satisfied, quite frankly I am even occasionally disgusted by my own hungry materialism.

While a simple gaze can trigger the most profound fulfillment, most of us seem to want to believe that the very same feeling can be purchased with an item, or just purchased, period. Now I am no hypocrite, I walk in the same trap, although I see myself doing it; “Oh, if I had that top, I’d feel pretty… and content”. I can be really daft sometimes.

Friends with money…I have them. Granted, they don’t have to ask themselves how they are going to pay for food or rent, or think twice before they buy a sweater (on sale), but they are neither happier nor unhappier than me, just… facilitated in life.

Realistically, I don’t lack anything; I don’t need, another book, another film, or another pair of shoes, yet I crave it from time to time. That’s when I feel corrupted; I have it all, but I still want more? Like Veruca Salt (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) who upon getting her golden ticket – allegedly, everything she ever wanted – looks coldly at it and exclaims: “Daddy, I want another pony” (in addition to the two rabbits, six parrots, one hamster…). I would hate myself. Because there is, nevertheless, one element that makes the fundamental difference between blind greed á la Veruca Salt and the occasional yearning middle-class miss: appreciation.

Call me simple, but I like the concept of ‘no pain, no gain’. I like the thought of working, trying and achieving something. I love the process of making myself deserving of my own successes. That makes me smile from the inside. That makes me truly satisfied. And of course, there is nothing like giving yourself the pleasure of a prize, when you’re the one who’s made the effort. But to be greedy on somebody else’s expense? No.

Greed starts becoming dangerous, when you forget the value of what you already have, when you diminish it to irrelevancies, and give in to the desire for that next watch, shirt or pair of jeans to add to the collection. When you let arrogance take the overhand of humility, hubris in one single word. And you keep wanting more and more and more. Perhaps when you forget, or misjudge your own self value, it’s easier to attempt to gain it back by accessorizing your life and wardrobe, rather than your spirit?

Yet I want exactly that; to adorn my inner self, if you will; I want to love, laugh, give, contribute, dream, achieve, experience. I want to make something of myself, and for myself, something worthy and valuable. Like Veruca sings (which is hopefully where our common denominators end): “I want the world, I want the whole world…I want today, I want tomorrow…”…but just to experience, not to have.

- Sharing is caring ;-) -

PS. Just a small parenthesis: Above clip is from Willy Wonka: original Roald Dahl feature from the 70ties, Tim Burton remake is also recommended.

A day wasted is a week won

I think Tracy Chapman sung the line of the millennium when she said a woman’s work is never done… I say an adult’s work is never done, the list just never ends OR once you’ve gotten to the end of it, it is time to start from the beginning again.

Buy food, clean bathroom, wash towels, put in a dark wash, hang dark wash, put in light wash, pay the phone bill, bake a cake, make lunch, clean the kitchen, change the sheets, e-mail twenty odd people, take care of all correspondence, look for a job, look more for jobs, read the novel (but only 30 pages…because…there are other things to do in life), work, correct…by this time food will have run out, and the bathroom will need cleaning again. And there I go, running up and down that list, ad on bronchitis, two colds, the flu and a few other infections, and there is not much left of a person.

So at the end of the summer, it all started to get to me, and I was feeling pretty exhausted. But who has time to rest, right? The show must go on.

Nevertheless, at some point I started to get the sneaking suspicion that some rest would be good…you know, a few of those days where you wake up, but you stay in bed, wear your PJs all day, watch crappy movies, read and think about absolutely NOTHING useful. You need those days to make the good days function. But when your list reaches across the Atlantic…where do you find the time to waste a day? An ENTIRE day??

However, when the energy-account was on minus, there was no escaping the fact, that wasting a day would win me some energy. And so, I decided (because every rule calls for an exception… and my rule would be; rest when you’re done), that wasting time was not actually a bad idea, why not deviate from lists and routines? A day wasted is a week won, and I have plenty of weeks to go on living. Viva vacation (if only for another few hours)!